May be…
Hello Guys,
Today is the festival of lights. Technically it was as it is over now, but Indians know Diwali is not one day festival is series of festival of 5 days. So, Diwali will continue for 3 more days. So, enjoy your Diwali. Now as everyone could expect what can happen of study. Yes you are right today I can’t study anything. It is not because I was busy in house works, it was because today is festival.
Actually I don’t know why but the problem is I don’t like any celebration now. And I don’t even think it is a problem. It is just like I want peace around me. I want to be alone and peace in my mind. You won’t believe but I am using rapping to calm down my mental state. Rapping uses high beats and high volumes you may be thinking that how this kind of music will calm down anyone state of mind. But in my case there is so much noise of silence in my mind that high volume seems calming to me. It is not that I don’t like to enjoy or I don’t want to be happy, but now just the thing is peace and loneliness are more comfortable for me.
One reason could be that in my house literally everyone except my younger to younger sister and my younger brother except these 2 my whole family is basically in stress. And now I am totally fed up from all this. So, I left being happy happiness is a kind of lie to me which I will say to myself. And I can say lie to anyone but not myself. What can anyone do if in each and every situation he or she just has to regret on his or her birth. And I am just one of them.
I seems very smiley to everyone all always carry a smile on my face in front of anyone only my friends knows my real side. And sometimes they also can’t judge am I happy or just trying to show they only sees my frustrated side if I tell them anything. Actually the real person, which I was is now kind of lost somewhere. Now I think someone more responsible and mature person is here. May be this the thing called Maturity.
I am not complaining of my problems as I know everyone has there own problems at there own level but I am fed up of all this thing now. And may be that is why I just combined my happiness with peace. Sometimes you love to be in pain and problem when you live long in it. My condition is just like that, May be I can be happy but now I like this loneliness and my noisy state of mind.
“Silence is most noisiest one can hear, specially in mind and believe me it tears you apart.”
