Hello Guys,
Today is the worst day in my life in last 6 months, whole day I was feeling low and a heck of loneliness from inside, I myself didn’t knew why was it, I was surrounded by many people but I was having that loneliness still in my heart. There was a point of time in my day when I just stopped talking to anyone too, I myself was unable to understand what the heck was happening to me.
Let me start from the beginning, so I woke up late today than usual time, after that I got ready from that time I was feeling low, I didn’t did anything because nothing was coming in my mind, I was literally blank in my mind, I was like nobody I have in my life, I was surrounded by many people honestly but then also I was feeling like no one is mine, no one is with me.
After 3 P.M. almost I stopped talking to anyone also, I was just lying down on the bed, with nothing I was not having phone, I was not listening songs I was just lying on the bed I tried to sleep too but that also fails, I was not able to sleep too, after sometime I started playing game, the game was fine but I was not even getting the feeling of happiness or not even I was feeling sad.
I was playing as usual but the adrenaline rush while killing the enemy or the rage when we die in the game nothing was there today, I was just playing the game without any feeling, I started game to cheer my mood up and feel a little bit better but this was the first time in life the game didn’t had any impact on my mood, then I just went out to bring some stuff for home from where I returned almost after 1.5 hour.
After that I went out for walk also to refresh my mind but nothing happened, actually it became fine, I went to the one I already shouted on her because of my mood, so I just went to walk with her and told her everything whatever I was feeling from the morning but while returning to home we encountered a group of dogs.
I don’t fear dogs but she does, I was saying her to come with me but she didn’t and I was fine at that moment but the moment I got in rage was, when she told to call a relative, and that is because I feels like she is not safe with me and will be safe with her relative, and this is the relative she calls in each and every problem mostly he give the same suggestions as I had already given to her but she then also calls him.
I don’t say she shouldn’t but first thing what if some day I am in a problem in front of her and in between us there would be many dogs, in that case too she will call her relative if he came on time or would be available then he could help otherwise I will be dead, because she fear dogs, so she will not come to help and the second thing is whenever she calls her relative for a problem which she already told to me.
I feels like my words have no value for her in front of him, because at the end she has to ask that person anyway, and if that is so then why is this whole relation is for, this is like you got an answer for a question from one person but then also you ask the same question to the other to confirm, that means you don’t trust the first person that he had gave the right answer. I don’t say it is bad to have someone who you can admire.
But the thing is if you do this every time someone gave an advice that shows you don’t have any trust on the first person’s words and that is what made me in rage, then in that state only I left her however I sent all the dogs away from the road and called her to come now but she was like no you go home my relative is coming.
After that I was in so much rage that I wanted to kill someone I just went behind the dog who was already now frightened with my one stare, then I went to railway station as from here railway station is very near, so I walked to the railway station and stayed there for sometime, as I was in so much rage so I just tried whatever I could do get out of this rage and stayed there till 10:30 P.M.
I didn’t told anyone where I was, so everyone was calling me to come home, at the end when mom called me then I finally decided to go home and returned back on the way I was encountered so many dogs and for the first time I hit stones to any animal because every time I was seeing a dog the only sentence coming to my mind was you go home my relative is coming.
Well, somehow without killing anyone I returned to home and now I will just go to bed I will not watch any movie or anything I will just sleep as soon as possible however I don’t think I would be able to sleep today in this much rage but I will try, now I don’t want to see what will happen when whatever will happen I don’t know and now I will not even control my rage, whenever I am angry on whatever thing I will show my anger because now enough, that is all…
“Love helps overcome your fears but when fear overcome love it shatter everything…”
